Worms...

All the worms are wiggling out. So I called Jay's blog an "excuse manifesto" for the single. He asked me to clarify. The argument from the single people will be "easy for him to say, he's married." Before every single person out there gets all riled up, this is just a discussion and an exploration. Keep that in mind. (Jay's words in Italics).

"In my opinion, there's several reasons for this.

One is that as you get older, the pool of eligible people gets smaller. Either you're too old, they're too young, or they're already in a relationship.

That is not necessarily true. Plenty of older people date far younger people and it's not just celebrities and it's not just middle-aged men. The younger people who are maturing start to expand their age restrictions and the older folks have no age restrictions. So the age pool actually gets bigger as you get older. Think back 10 years, 5 years and compare to now and ask yourself "how young/old would I date?"

Out of the remaining eligible people more than half you're probably not attracted to, physically, for one reason or another. Then, out of the eligible people that make the cut, more than half are probably not attracted to you, physically.

This argument remains for any age so the actual number (from the expansion of the age pool) remains expanded

You now have a group of eligible people with whom you share a mutual physical attraction - you now have to see if that magic thing called "chemistry" is right.

Making lemons out of lemonade

Then you have the "Deal Breakers" - your own set of personal principals that you won't bend for anyone (me - no Yankees fans, no Republicans, no religious fanatics, etc.) - which cuts the pool down even further.

There are deal breakers and there are deal breakers. If you really like someone and the chemistry is right the deal breakers somehow (miraculously) disappear.

And there's the whole problem of how to go about meeting eligible people.

In college it was easy. There's a giant pool of single people, your age, who are at the same place in life you're at and, probably, looking for the same things you are.

(BTW...don't need the 1st comma, 2nd "at" and can probably get rid of the you are (both the contracted and the extended versions)

What do you do when you're single and no longer in college? What do you do to meet single people? Do the bar scene? Aunt hookup's? Friend hookup's? Internet Dating sites? At work? Mail order a significant other? Overseas trips to 3rd world countries where citizens are desperate for Americans with green cards?

How about all of the above.

And then, even after meeting them, there's the whole "dating" thing which takes a lot of time. Not all freaks and crazies show themselves right away. You have to go through a weeding out process which, sometimes, takes years.

This from the guy who's attracted to freaks and crazies.

You also have to find out if the "chemistry" is right too. (see above)

Do you want the same things?
Relationship: In it for Shits and Giggles/Looking for Marriage?
Family: Kids/no kids?
Living: City/Suburbs?

Do you like the same things?
Music: Cult groups/No Polyphonic Spree "Deal Breaker" Rule?
Food: Meat/No Vegetarian "Deal Breaker" Rule?
Movies: Gwyneth Paltrow/No Gwyneth Paltrow "Deal Breaker" Rule?

This is true. Except the Gwyneth Paltrow thing. I think it should be the Maxwell Caulfield Rule.

Pastrymom and I have had discussions about this and we wonder:

1. Why are some people attracted to people that everyone else sees are not right for him/her? They date the same type of guy/girl over and over again just to see the same thing happen over and over again. Einstein (who, I hear, never used flashcards) said (this is a paraphrase): Stupidity is doing the same exact thing over and over and expecting a different result.