Money Isn't Everything...

Incorrigible's aunt jumped in front of a subway train a few months ago and after a prolonged hospitalization passed away over the weekend. Her reasons for doing that will be buried with her although there is speculation about why.

I saw someone today who OD'ed on some pills 2 weeks ago. This guy suffered a stroke about a year ago and thought he would make some sort of recovery where he would walk again but got frustrated with his condition and decided to try and "change his fate."

What drives someone to actually try the act? Both pastrymom and I have contemplated ending it all at some time in the past. I don't quite remember the circumstances but I remember standing in the kitchen and looking at the collection of knives and wondering if I should or if I could.

It is not hard to imagine someone thinking about suicide but to come up with a plan and to enact it requires something extra. A friend of mine once said that he cannot forgive anyone who commits suicide. "It's the most selfish thing someone can do." I hear his voice everytime the thought or the discussion of suicide comes up.

My father is battling cancer. He is a shell of his former self. He has been depressed and I don't see him that often because he lives on the other coast. I wonder at times what goes on in his head because he's just one of those people who doesn't open up. I have seen rare displays of sadness and remember him crying only twice in my lifetime: during my grandmother's wake and at the bedside right before his surgery when he stated "I am worthless."

My brother and sister and I would have long discussions in the past about him. Despite many setbacks and failures he suffered, he remained so optimistic (at least outwardly) about the future. For that he will always have my admiration. He is visiting us this week and appears to be in better spirits...the pastry will do that. Maybe the shell is filling up.